4810 Nicollet Ave. S.
Minneapolis, MN, 55419

651-485-1151

Life Love Healing Wellness Center works with individuals, couples and families in the Minneapolis, MN area including these counseling service areas: couples counseling, love addiction, sex addiction, codependency, Enneagram, healthy relationships, other addictions and more. 

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Filtering by Tag: Healthy Relationships

Relationship Assessment: Test Yourself

leslie root

Is it Love or is it Addiction? How Does Your Relationship Rate?

With a specific love relationship in mind, carefully read first the characteristics of addictive love, then those of healthy love. Score your relationship for each addictive love characteristic based on the following scale: 0 = never; 1 = rarely; 2 = sometimes; 3 = often; 4 = almost always; 5 = always. Then score yourself for healthy love.

Addictive Love
____ Feels all-consuming or energy draining
____ Difficulty defining ego boundaries
____ Has elements of sadomasochism
____ Fears letting go
____ Fears risk, change the unknown
____ Allows little individual growth
____ Lacks deep intimacy or trust
____ Manipulates to get needs met
____ Gives to get something back
____ Attempts to change or control the partner
____ Needs partner to feel complete
____ Seeks solutions outside of self
____ Demands and expects unconditional love
____ Refuses or abuses commitment
____ Looks to partner for affirmation worth
____ Fears abandonment upon routine separation
____ Re-creates familiar negative feelings
____ Desires, yet fears, closeness
____ Attempts to "take care" of partner's feelings
____ Plays power games ("one-upmanship")

Healthy Love
____ Allows for individuality and energizes
____ Experiences both oneness and separateness
____ Brings out the best qualities in both partners
____ Accepts endings
____ Open to change and exploration
____ Invites growth in both partners
____ Experiences deep intimacy/feels safe
____ Freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted
____ Giving and receiving are one and the same
____ Does not attempt to change or control partner
____ Encourages self-sufficiency of partner
____ Accepts limitations of self and partner
____ Is unconditionally loving
____ Can make and honor commitments
____ Has high self-esteem and sense of well-being
____ Trusts memory of beloved; enjoys solitude
____ Expresses feelings spontaneously
____ Welcomes closeness, risks vulnerability
____ Cares, but can remain detached
____ Affirms equal personal power


Now, add the scores for each list and divide by twenty to get a numerical average for each. Does your relationship exhibit more symptoms of trouble than of health? 

Love Addiction Assessment

leslie root

Love Addiction Questionnaire

By Brenda Schaeffer  

Write yes or no to the questions below. Any yes answer indicates some degree of unhealthy dependency or addiction. But, please, let go of blame or guilt. Love addiction seems to be a fact of life. Most, if not all, relationships give evidence of some of these signs. And there is both healthy and unhealthy dependency. 

  1. Do you ever feel as though you take care of others even though it hurts you? 
  2. Are you afraid or hesitant to talk about problems in your relationship? 
  3. When you do discuss problems, do you seem to get nowhere? 
  4. Do you feel like you are growing or want to grow and the relationship is not? 
  5. Do you say yes when you want to say no? 
  6. Do you rationalize away the things you don’t like in your relationship? 
  7. Do you ever feel like you both want and don’t want to be in the relationship? 
  8. Have you ever thought of leaving the relationship and been too afraid? 
  9. Do you or the other person every get close and then pull back? 
  10. Do you experience holding out in your relationship? 
  11. Does how the other person in the relationship feel change your mood or self-esteem? 
  12. Does the person’s behavior change your self-esteem or mood? 
  13. Do you enable, persecute or feel like a victim? 
  14. Do you struggle for power or control? 
  15. Do you try to change the other person or the other person try to change you? 
  16. Do you wonder what a healthy relationship is? 
  17. Do you have any negative thoughts about men/women, relationships? 
  18. Do you disregard your values to please someone? 
  19. Do you fear risk, change or the unknown? 
  20. Do you experience repeated negative feelings? 
  21. Do you suffer from separation or disapproval anxiety?
  22. Do you let abusive people remain in your life? 
  23. Do you fear being alone?
  24. Are your boundaries weak or rigid?
  25. Do you expect or demand unconditional love?
  26. Do you or those you are attracted to abuse or refuse commitment?
  27. Do you fail to stop others from violating your boundaries?
  28. Do you adapt to others to keep them around?
  29. Do you look to others to fulfill you?
  30. Do you become intimate before you have established trust?