Connective Parenting: Staying Present in Chaotic Situations
Parents out there can agree staying calm throughout the day is no easy task, here are 5 ways to support calming our own, and our kids’ nervous systems
Breath in breath out: sounds simple right? Not so simple when our system is overwhelmed by incoming stimulus, but we can learn to override the initial response. Remember your kids can’t be calm if you’re not.
Your negative reaction to your kids is a hit of adrenaline to them: yep the thrill seeking stuff, staying physiologically neutral is the only way to correct behavior. I double bind myself with this all the time, if you react you lose the chance to change the behavior
Mirror them: yes empathize, get in their shoes, connect then redirect.
Give them a hit of oxytocin (love/connection): this is parents best bet at raising securely attached kids. Creating deep connection and trust with our kids creates a undeniable safeguard for their developing body and mind. Be the parent but do so while seeing, connecting and understanding our kids.
Don’t eclipse them: it’s our job as parents to allow space for individual development. When we are reactive and parenting from an activated stance we eclipse our children and they may start caretaking us creating the roots of codependency and emotional immaturity. Yes
Parenting is not easy and no one will get it perfect if you’re struggling professional help is out there. Seek the support of a licensed marriage and family therapist.